We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize