my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
