Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
