I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
