I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
