Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
