If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
