went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
