I have demons in me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
