...so i touched it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
