yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
