Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
