Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
