Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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