I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Terrible idea I love it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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