You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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