put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
