And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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