Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
