that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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