I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
