I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
