we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Non-Jews are for practice
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
