All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
