at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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