Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
