Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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