i'm signing you up for texting rehab
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
