If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
