I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
