Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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