did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
