I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
