Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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