I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
