My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
