yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
