You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
