piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
