i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
