i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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