Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
