I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
