My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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