Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We are all done wearing pants today
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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