In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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