He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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