just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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