I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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