you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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