shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
