He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
