dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
