Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
