OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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