elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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